I'm Done
by MyHeroRaven
Summary: It's over, and I'm leaving. There's nothing left that I can give you and there's nothing left to say. I'm done. Slash.


**Title: I'm Done**

**Rating: M**

**Summary: It's over, and I'm leaving. There's nothing left that I can give you and there's nothing left to say. I'm done. **

**Disclaimer: I do not own Big Time Rush.**

**A/N: Look I'm not a bad person, I make mistakes I fuck up and I hurt people. I try my hardest to be the best I can be but sometimes it doesn't work. Sometimes people still mess up. Life isn't a fairytale but I still have this princess locked in a tower and I don't know how to save her. I don't know how many dragons I'm going to have to slay or how many mountains I'll have to climb. I don't even know if she'll be awake when I get to her or if I'll have to wake her from an impossible sleep. And the worst part is... is that life isn't a fairytale, so then what is all this? Am I dreaming? Is this reality? I don't know but this is my story and someone has stolen the script and they're fucking with it, fucking with my life. I'm in trouble and like I said life isn't a fairytale, who saves the Prince? Who's going to save **_**me?**_** No one. If the Prince can't save herself then no one will. So here reality meets fantasy. & this could end badly. I'm in trouble I can't say how, I won't put other people in danger. I'm a sacrificer a **_**martyr**_**. I don't try to be, it just sort of happens. This note doesn't mean **_**anthing**_** so don't look too deeply into it. It's not like I'm going to go anywhere, it's just dangerous right now, so I'm just going to leave you with this: Love Each Day... cause it could be your last. **

**I'm Done:**

"Baby don't leave."

My heart broke as I heard the desperation in his voice, the pure innocent pleading. He didn't want me to leave. But it was for the best. Everything I do is for the best. Everything I've done... I've done for him. But why couldn't he do this one thing for me... and just let me go.

"I have to Logie... there's nothing left for me here."

That one was going to hurt him, that one line was going to kill him. But it was the only way to get through to him, break his heart. Make the boy hate me so I could leave in unrest and peace.

"There's nothing _left_ for you?" he asked incredulously, hurt and anger flooding his words.

"WHAT ABOUT ME! WHAT THE HELL AM I TO YOU! WHAT WAS ALL THIS? WHAT WAS THE LAST 2 YEARS OF LOVE AND THE LAST 16 YEARS OF FRIENDSHIP? HUH? WHAT _WAS_ THIS TO YOU? TELL ME? WHAT ABOUT ME?" His screams echoed through my brain, rattling my skull. Words imbedding deep into my subconcious into my soul.

"What about you?" I asked throwing a couple shirts into my suitcase, not realizing I had taken a couple of his shirts by mistake. Or was it?

"I can't believe after everything we've been through you're just going to leave. You're going to leave me all alone when I love you more than anything. You're going to leave your friends. Where is the boy I fell in love with? Where did _he_ go?" Logan asked moving to touch my arm. I ripped it away as if I had been burned. And I had, these burns on my heart were third-degree deadly, and they would scar.

"He's dead Logan. He's always been dead, the boy you love was just a dream, and the second I'm out that door you'll wake up and everything will be better."

"No nothing will be better when you're gone! Nothing will be OK! Don't you get it? You're mine and amazing and perfect and sweet and I love you! I'm not just going to let you go."

"Watch me, and I am far from sweet. You don't even know the real me. How's it feel Logie? How's it feel knowing your whole life was a lie... that I was a lie? How does it feel to be used? To find out that the person you've been sleeping with never loved you?" I knew he was crying I was too, he just couldn't see. I wouldn't let him see. He had to be oblivious he had to _let me go_.

"You-you don't _mean_ that. You _can't_." I could hear the agony in his words they were one step from a break down. One step from him slitting his wrists. But I would die first, I would beat him too the punch. After all I was dead inside... same damn thing. Same _damn_ thing.

"I do."

He sobs, thin fingers moving to graps at the back of my shirt. His tears are wetting my clothing and I stop moving, I give him a moment of solace and just let him cry. Let him get it all out, because once he stopped I was going to leave. This life wasn't mine anymore. Someone else had crawled into my skin while I slept and a monster walked around pretending to be me. Or maybe he was me all along. Hell world, see the monster I've become.

"You can't leave me, you can't be gone," Logan sobbed as I pulled away. I laughed at that, closing my suitcase and grabbing my car keys.

"Baby I've always been gone. I've always had one goddamn foot out this door and now they'll be two." I heard glass shatter and made the mistake of turning, looking into his beautiful dark brown eyes. So captivating.

He lay there glass from the vase surrounding his small pale body. The roses I bought last night littered his body and the are around. I could see his shirt was damp from where the water had spilled. Blood from his hand pooling on the mohagonney. He looked into my eyes, pleading, begging, trying to find _me_ in my own eyes.

My breathe caught in my throat and I almost moved to help him up, almost moved to apologize and whisper sweet nothings into his ear, almost pulled him into my strong arms and almost made love to the boy that completely changed my world. The boy I _loved_.

I said _almost_. I turned from the agonizing eyes, from the _pain_. And I walked out the front door.

"It's over, and I'm leaving. There's nothing left that I can give you and there's nothing left to say. I'm done." I said, it was my final words to him. My final breaths to that boy.

I heard him whisper before I left, I heard him say it one last time.

"Carlos... "

Carlos didn't exist anymore I knew that, and after spending tonight and the rest of his life alone, without me, he would realize it too. Pulling on my aviators I shaded my Spanish eyes and left. I walked out of the room and out of his life.

& I never, ever went back.

**P.S. **

**The End. **

**MyHeroRaven**


End file.
